therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
“
An eating disorder.
This is not about food.
This is not about looking good in a dress or wanting to be a supermodel. This is not about wanting the cute guys to turn their heads and stare at your beauty. This is not about going to a store, sliding a size zero skirt over your hipbones, and laughing all the way to the check out counter.
This is not about wanting attention. This is not about enjoying feeling death and refusing food until you need to be force fed with a tube in an ICU. It is not about deliberately pissing off the nurses on the ED unit by hiding your clif bar and boost under your sweatshirt and stashing butter in the bed pans. It is not about selfless starving for all the children in Africa. It is not about the latest fad diet or losing the holiday weight. It is not about reading fashion magazines and pining for the Body Mass Index of Paris Hilton’s pet Chihuahua. It is not about getting a good man/woman. It is not about religion, G-d, the media or culture.
This is about having the self-esteem of an insect. This is a polite way of committing suicide. This is about having no life because it’s impossible to go out with friends to a restaurant and order a bowl of dry lettuce. This is about weighing, measuring and counting pasta, cereal, raisins and anything that passes your lips, including toothpaste. This is about secrets and lies and shame. This is about not wanting to admit that you need to eat. That you deserve to live.
This is about being scared. This is about being terrified. Of everything.
This is about control. This is about numbing away the feelings of abuse. This is about starving away the pain. This is about wanting to disappear as to not be taken advantage of again. This is about hiding under layers of clothing that are mostly black so that no one sees your womanly body. This is about non verbal communication. This is about avoiding. This is about denying the past. This is about intense self hatred.
This is about needing so much that you can’t stand it. This is about wanting to not need anything at all. This is about not wanting to be touched but afraid to be let go. This is about having emotions that bubble up and spill out and scare people away. This is about being so overwhelmed and traumatized that it’s easier to avoid everything by obsessing over the amount of calories in a grapefruit. It is about getting lost in the mirror and scale instead taking responsibility and just f*cking dealing.
This is about wanting to be safe. This is about wanting to curl up in a nutshell and ignore the big bad world that’s too noisy and dangerous and can’t be trusted. This is about not trusting anyone and relying on food (or lack of) to give you an all enveloping comfort blanket when the feelings bloat you up and make you feel fat, ugly and intolerable in your skin.
This is about really crappy coping methods. This is about a way of life you’ve known for 13 years. This is about habit and second nature. This is about making a choice that will quite possibly kill you. This is about chaotic relationships, hospitalizations, devastated families, worried friends, treatment programs, trying and failing, and more hospitalizations. This is about losing your period, failed kidneys, and hollow bones. This is about cardiac arrest at age 21. This is about being sick. This is about not being sick enough to think you need, or agree to go into, treatment. This is about being so sick that you have to be court ordered into a hospital.
This is about trying to be understood. This is about fighting with all you’ve got and more hard work than you ever imagined. This is about exhaustion and tears and needing support. This is about fighting a battle with yourself and the world. This is about trying to survive.
This is not about food.
”
– From a friend on Facebook. It was just too amazing and powerful to not share it. (via intersticiales)
“Whenever a girl tries to feel pretty, she almost automatically thinks ‘thin’. Theoretically if we changed societies views on weight then it would cure eating disorders? Right? Wrong. Society is so fucked up and it will always find a way to pick apart every little thing that you have done. Had anorexia? Now you eat too little for society. Had bulimia? Your still eating too much. Society will never except humans, and that’s the worst part. Everyone just wants to be excepted and it will never happen.”
what could have simply be meant as a joke such as “you eat like a pig lol” or “is your stomach a bottomless pit?” make us put the food down and get immediately upset, even if we haven’t eaten the whole day.
words said to us about our bodies, our heights, weights, whatever-they all impact us days, weeks, months, even years later. they sometimes never seem to stop hurting, and the only way we seem to be able to deal with that is to keep starving, or keep eating dangerously little amounts of food hoping that one day, those words will somehow lose their impacts on us.
everything anyone ever says about food or eating or body image prick us like thorns-they affect us ten, twenty times more than they might affect someone without an eating disorder.
please be considerate and please be sensitive when talking to someone with anorexia, bulimia, etc. because we’re damn fragile when it comes to food and our bodies. please be respectful, please be kind. your words hurt a lot more than you think they might.
Sure we all know about 10 Things I hate about You… But what about 10 Things I love about you? Specifically Newt? Buckle up ladies and get ready to fall even more in love (if it’s possible).
1. Newt’s a Hufflepuff. If you think Hufflepuffs
are stupid, rewatch that movie and think again. I’ve been saying this for ages:
Hufflepuffs are total bad@$$es. Loyal, fiercely dangerous when angered,
hardworking, and actually quite brave. They were the first to protect Hogwarts
in the first battle and first house to defend Harry. If you think Hufflepuffs
are wimps, kindly exit my blog. Besides, since when is hardworking and loyalty
considered wimpy and uncool? I rest my case.
2. The way
Newt talks to his beasts and calls himself mummy. Sure yeah, Newt could just
treat his creatures like zoo animals. But no—he treats them like their his
babies and it will met your heart and leave you in a puddle of crazy fan girl
overload.
3.
The way he cocks his head to the side and looks around. I don’t know about you,
but quirky small details like this about Newt is what really makes my heart go
awwww! How could you not fall in love with how he looks around, avoids eye
contact in a shy bashful manner?
4.
How completely innocent he is. He’s not dumb and naive, he’s just innocently
sweet and has a golden heart and probably smells of cinnamon rolls, on top of
that. What’s not to love?
5.
The way he looks when he’s not aware of the camera. Okay—This one goes to Eddie
Redmayne, but I say… Is it too much to ask for both? (Both? Both. Both is
good.)
6.
Let’s talk about Newt’s fashion. When he’s not looking charming in his
brilliant blue coat with his quaint little bow tie, he’s wearing his brown
vest. Where you can see the way the vest hugs his curves (creep level 102).
Let’s face it, he’s got style.
7.
Firstly, take a moment to look at this adorable gif. Okay now that you’ve died,
let me bring you back to life only to probably kill you again. While Newt
doesn’t trust easily, he does care for people and is kind to them. That’s his
Hufflepuff showing.
8.
Newt looks just looks like a normal kinda average nerdy guy. Before I get
killed for heresy, let me explain. I know we all love Newt, but suppose you
never saw the movie or had any clue he existed and you met him for the first
time. He was awkward, introverted, bumbling and adorkable. What’s going to win
you over? Probably his personality once you got to know him. My point is that he’s
not freaking Channing Tatum. He didn’t win us over with his abs or whatever, he
won us by how he acts, not purely by looks alone. (Plus Channing Tatum sucks. Sorry not sorry.)
10. The way Newt looks at Porpentina with such loving eyes. A special completely different look that he gives her. Look how he carefully almost shyly he’s brushing her hair and tucking it behind her ear. That my friends, is a heart attack right there.
Hope you liked my 10 reasons and more or less agreed! What thing made you love Newt?! Got anything to add?!
PS I basically edited this five billion times because i screwed up so hard at everything… hate my life ;-;
